How to Help Your Child with Separation Anxiety

I hear a lot of talk on Autism but it occurred to me a while back that I really did not know what it meant exactly. I only assumed a meaning and left it at that. Today I’ve come to realize that autism is a neurological development disorder that impedes the social and communication skills of a child. It is said to begin to manifest in children at the ages 2 to 3 years.

Anxiety in children could or not be as a result of autism; however this disorder could play a major part in enhancing such in a child.

I now want to talk about the title that got me writing this piece in the first place “How to Help Your Child with Separation Anxiety.” This piece I grabbed from www.parents.com. Lisa Quinones- Fontanez wrote about her son who had separation anxiety and all the steps she took to help ease the feeling of separation. In her article she listed the following steps she used:

Map it. She used a map to show her son Norrin where they were in the United States and where she was going to be.

Show them your work. She said it is wise to take your kids to where you work so that they know where you go to whenever you leave them.

Create a visual schedule. She said when you create a visual schedule; you can let your child know when they can anticipate seeing you next.

 Time

Make time for Face time. Schedule a time to face time

A picture speaks a thousand words- keeping family photos around the child as in the living and bed rooms or maybe even in the child’s pocket.

Promising a special treat on return from a journey. Something a child can look forward to.

These are actually the tactics she uses or used to deal with separation anxiety between herself and her son. It is something every parent with the same problem can try out.

She also mentions that her son has Autism so I guess the separation anxiety and autism were kind of related.

Forgiving Teens With Disappointing Behaviours

Our children are an extension of who we are. We expect them to follow the rules that we’ve laid down and to live according to our values. In some cases, the values that we’ve lain down may not suit them and they may not adhere to the rules. This results in disappointment. We’re uncertain about our child, may have lost a measure of trust and may not understand how to cope with those feelings.

In every family disappointment of some type is inevitable. No one will go through life without making a mistake. Children in particular are just learning and they will overstep the boundaries, make errors in judgment and sometimes, cause problems. Learning how to deal with that and how to manage our own expectations of our children is imperative to a good long term relationship.

Disappointment is one of the most uncomfortable feelings for anyone to deal with. It’s complicated and it contains other emotions like injury, anger, sadness and a host of others that are flitting through so fast they are unidentifiable. Each of those other emotions, on their own is complicated enough to deal with, but usually we can get through it. Disappointment often leaves us all at a loss, becomes something else as it evolves.

 

Do your best to understand what behavior or action of the child that has disappointed you–and be honest. Is it disappointing teen behavior or did your own expectations lead to that disappointment. Is it based on a bad behavior? Did your child do something out side the boundaries of the legal system such as juvenile delinquent behavior? That kind of disappointment has more merit and will require a different coping method than dealing with a child, for example, who chose a career path of which you don’t approve.

 

Has your child addressed the situation and is he or she working to make amends for bad behavior or disappointing teen behavior?

 

Getting the best help that you can, depending on the situation plays into the resolution,but working through the disappointment takes several steps, regardless of why you are disappointed.

The best way to work to forgive a child who has caused us disappointment is to first work through the emotion and find your way to forgiveness.

 

Let yourself BE disappointed. Don’t argue the point, don’t try to deny it or escape it or move past it immediately. Actually feel the emotion and acknowledge that it’s happening to you.

 

Put it all into perspective. Does the child that disappointed you know that you’re disappointed? Do they know why? Have they expressed their own feelings about what happened and why it happened? Encourage that and really listen to the dialogue. Let them express their own feelings about the situation and be prepared to really listen, not condemn or judge.

 

At the end of the day,examining the actions, acknowledging the disappointment, expressing it to your child and doing your best to understand it is going to be the best and only path to forgiving your child.

 

 

 

Spending Quality Time with the Kids on a Busy Schedule

Today we’re busier with our lives than ever before. In an economic climate that is less than perfect we need to address making a living and attending to the many different activities that may encompass. Additionally we need to deal with other aspects of our lives, while still keeping our relationships healthy.

 

With children it is imperative that we take time as parents to spend some real quality time with our kids on a regular basis. Hearing their concerns, addressing their needs emotionally and just enjoying our relationships is a big part of what helps children to grow into productive adults and form healthy relationships with their own children.

 

Where do you find the time during the week to spend that quality time when making a living and other concerns seem to get in the way?

 

Sometimes when we don’t have time, we have to create it. Little things can be of great value and likewise small opportunities crop up that we can take advantage of to get the time we need with our children.

 

Mini Road Trips. When you have errands to run, take your kids with you, or take one at a time with you on miniature road trips. Ask them if they’d like to go with you to drop off the dry cleaning or to visit the grocery store. Any time that you spend together can be quality time and it can be invaluable to the self-esteem and getting to know your kids. Stop for a frozen yogurt on the way home or just ask them about their say and a particular class that you know they may be concerned about. Making any time quality time is a trick that parents can use to really get to know their kids better on a personal level.

 

Eat together. While you may not always have the time to sit down for a meal, even if you’re snacking on a smoothie at a breakfast bar in the morning, make it a point that you eat together. Parents cannot always eat dinner with their children. It’s important that you know that and so do they, but you can always find a few meals a week together and make some of them dinner when you are all a little more relaxed and able to talk. Making it a point that you are together for at least one meal a day is important no matter what meal that is Tell a joke, a funny story about your day and encourage conversation by starting it. If it’s something that your family is not accustomed to, it may take some time to get into the swing of it, but eventually it’s going to become a part of the daily routine that everyone loves.

 

Be there. Give your kids your cell phone number and don’t just allow them to call you, encourage it. Let them know that while you may be somewhere else or that you do have to work, you are available to them at any moment of the day. Text them once in a while just to say that you’re thinking of them and hope they have a good day. It may seem a little corny at first, but it could become part of a routine that you both love.

 

Quality time with your kids doesn’t have to be a vacation in Hawaii. Sometimes quality time is just a moment stolen here and there to let them know that you’re there, that you love them and that they are an important part of your life. Believe it or not, those small things are the things that your kids will remember.

When kids lack the parental attention they need

stop yapping

I met someone who got into prostitution at a very young age. I didn’t quite understand her need to be a prostitute because she came from quite a comfortable family. I got curious and took the opportunity to interview her on her motivations and that was when I got an insight to what she had become.

Her parents were workaholics and the full parental attention and care was absent, so they (she and her siblings) grew up with cousins, uncles, aunts and friends while her parents went on a fetch-money quest.

This gave some of the “Uncles” the opportunity to indulge in child sexual molestation with her. She got raped at age 10 by five boys all bigger than her and the experience had marked her up to this day.

The need for parental attention can be tied to this revelation about her life when she disclosed to me that her mother still did not know about her rape encounter which occurred since the last 12 years.

Her Brother knew, one or two other friends got to know about her experience but her Mother and Father still do not know about it because they never stayed close enough to their children to observe what was going on in their lives. (Her only brother got shot and died because he too had a negative lifestyle)

Most of the social outcasts we have today came from a home. Suicide bombers, rapists, perverts, prostitutes, robbers and kidnappers had or still have parents. Where were they when they were molding up into becoming these kinds of individuals.

Poor parental attention and the inability or failure of parents to spend time with their kids and truly know what has been going on in the lives of these growing children has caused a lot of grief and sorrow down the road.

Every responsible parent need to sit back and ask him or herself questions about the role they are playing in their children’s lives. It is not enough to be a good provider. What level of parental attention do your kids receive from you?

You may have heard about the 21-year-old mother who put her children to bed before heading for the pub with their father for a nine hour drinking session. You know what she said when asked about her actions? “I didn’t think about the children for a slight moment but carried on drinking and I started on the shots.” This is definitely a woman who is in no way prepared to be a mother.

But the victims in these situations are the children who suffer emotionally, physically and psychologically and fail to become well adjusted adults.

Parental attention plays a lot in shaping the life of who their children eventually become. It is only on rare instances you see kids who overcome their past and make something good out of their negative experiences. Like LaRene Ellis saw her experiences as life’s test and said when she visits her past and still finds herself frozen in fear and lonesomeness, “I take her in my arms and hold her. Then I whisper ‘I love you’ you’re going to be okay in the future.” You can read more on her at http://seasonalexp.typepad.com

No matter how busy a parent is, in this technological age where there are all forms of gadgets for communication, a mother or father should try to keep talking to their children whenever they are away from home.

Raising Well Balanced Healthy Kids

When it comes to raising healthy kids, the first thing that hops into your mind is being free of sickness. When your kids are not sick or in need of medical care you conclude they are healthy. You also think about their nutrition and hope it ends there. But raising healthy kids is a lot more than just that; it has to do with not only the physical but also the mental and spiritual aspects as well.

 Teaching a child to eat healthy food when young will train such to grow up with that same lifestyle. Taking lots of veggies as against junk food; eating meals that contain calcium, iron, zinc and vitamins A, C, D and K.

 At home and in school, try to encourage you kids to take part in sporting activities or other recreational actions like dancing. Not all kids are good at sports such as soccer or basketball, but there is somewhere they can function in and develop a level of fitness.

Let your kids have lots of sleep both at night and during the day. Although they’ll prefer to play after school, they need to take a nap for few hours to help rejuvenate their bodies.

 Mentally healthy kids are children who can think clearly, learn new things easily and are socially stable. A child may look okay on the outside but have some mental or emotional issues affecting him or her. Symptoms of these are:

  • Declining performance in school
  • Sudden aggressiveness or rage
  • Irritability, sadness or depression
  • Regular worry and anxiety
  • Fidgeting
  • Temper tantrums

 Parental love helps the child to be more open in sharing issues that may be affecting them emotionally. So a parent needs to watch out for these signs and try to talk it over with the child to discover the root cause of what the problem may be and it is only then a solution can be found.

 Raising healthy kids without a spiritual foundation limits the access to help kids can get when they have troubles. Parents who have taught their kids to pray and the value of prayer in their lives have healthier, less troubled children.

 The reason for this is that such kids know that there is a supreme being they can talk to that has supernatural powers to help them and so when they pray, they know that whatever issue they have has been handed to someone capable of solving it.

 Therefore raising healthy kids physically, mentally and spiritually creates the balance in the child needed to grow into admirable adults.This may seem like a lot of responsibility to inexperienced young parents but help is always at hand on what to do. You can read books on how to go about theses things or engage the services of experts such as pediatricians, counselors or more experienced parents.

Are Parents to Blame for The Low Self-Esteem Of Their Kids?

Self esteem is the way we see ourselves or the way we perceive others see us. It can be described as the internal reflection of who we perceive ourselves to be and the external reaction to that.

This perceptions of who we are affects our aspirations and motivations and the way we respond to events and circumstances in our lives. So this sense of self develops with children at a very tender age while trying out their first steps or touching hot objects.

When children try different things and succeed or fail, it gives them a sense of awareness about their capabilities. This is why the parent’s role is crucial at this developmental stage where encouragement is given to keep trying and not to simply quit.

Parents seeking to instill good self esteem in their wards should not be heard calling the child fool, daft or loser. That won’t be helping matters at all. One of the first ways to groom your kids into confident adults is to affirm the right words in them.

“You’re beautiful”

“You’re so brave”

“This is brilliant”

These are words of affirmation that develops that child’s sense of self worth.

As we described earlier, self esteem in children is the way they think others see them. So when a child is performing well at school and getting good grades they tend to feel better about themselves.

Parental love and self esteem are positively related. The more a child receives love and affection from home, the more esteem they build because they have a support base from home. They know that whatever the world thinks, they remain champions in the eyes of those who truly matters to them-their loved ones.

Children should be made to feel useful and helpful at home because they carry these feelings out there be it school, playground or church. So primary responsibility of parents is to instill in their wards dependability and trust in their capabilities.

Remember the traditional saying “Charity begins at home”

When kids have a better foundation built on a healthy sense of self esteem, they are able to manage problems better and can deal with frustrating situations with a better attitude. There is lower tendency to depression and a negative outlook to life.

Some things to note about the parental influence on kid’s self esteem are:

  • ·         Children look up to their parents or an influential adult for acknowledgement, love and support. When this is not found, their self esteem plunges.

 

  • ·         Parents who already possess healthy self esteem reflect these on their children. They are less critical and unloving.
  • ·         Children learn from what they see and their first observations about their self worth is what  they see in the lives of their parents.
  • ·         Studies reveal that children with lower self esteem are more likely to get into conflicts with their parents, tend to be rebellious and are termed ‘difficult’

4 Reasons Your Kids Aren’t Telling You Things

(1)You don’t let them finish a thought before interrupting

 (2) You are already providing the “fix-it” remedy when all they need from you is to hear them out.

 (3)Your concentration span is little when they talk and your body language says what your words are not saying.

 (4) You want to impose your ideas on them

 Sincerely ponder over these four points and you will agree that you are guilty of some of them if not all. When you look back at the time you were younger and how you related with your parents, you have an idea of how it is with you and your kids.

What were those things that helped you talk more with your mum or dad and confide in them? Or what made you keep things to yourself and refuse to share your experiences?

 When kids are struggling with new and complicated emotions, they want to feel secure about whom they share these feelings with. Most of the time they turn to friends who are likely going through similar situations like them, but the friends they turn to don’t always have the right answers and this can in turn lead to making poor choices.

 If you are a parent and you have kids, there is a natural tendency to be over protective of them. This is actually a good thing and re-assuring them of your love for them also helps, but the question here is, “does it improve their trust and a willingness to open up to you?”

 A lot of times, you mutter the words “I love you.” But after a while, it sounds impulsive and mechanical and your words and actions don’t seem to connect anymore.

 To make it possible for your children to find it easy talking to you, you have to do the opposite of those four points listed above. The first is to try listening to what they have to say and not be judgmental or come with a prepared agenda. Listen, be open, nod your head and speak less.

 Try to pay attention and listen in detail with proof by repeating some of the statements made like: “you really mean you had to pay an extra $50?” It shows you’ve been paying attention. You also have to avoid imposing your ideas or advice. Sometimes kids need to learn by making their own mistakes.

 Now you know four reasons your kids are keeping things from you and how your attitude is affecting all of that, so the direction this article is pointing to is for you to correct those areas you are guilty of and naturally your child starts feeling more comfortable talking to you about personal things.

What Do You Know About Your Kid’s Gadget

devices

One of the reasons I created a website that has to do with parenting is because of the new technologies that keep coming at us. The interest I took was between parents, children and technology gadgets. There are now phones, tablets and computers all around that children below five have access to. This means that the internet can be accessed easily which is a good thing except they go into the wrong sites.

Children have an easy ability to understand and interact with new technologies even faster than adults. So when they find a new device in the house, they already know how to manipulate the functions even before Dad or Mum figures it out. This means that the need for parental control is higher than ever before.

Basically it is the responsibility of the parent to teach the kids what they need to know as they grow and it will be wrong for them to keep picking knowledge randomly especially if it is the wrong type of stuff.

Phones are no more restricted and practically anyone can lay a hold of them, so young people get these phones and become so attached to them because of the different things they could do – it’s like a world of its own.

I once watched with fascination as I saw my little niece and nephew tinkling with their Dad’s Tab. I think they were playing the game of Temple Run or Angry birds. They really knew how to maneuver their way through the game and it was just amazing. But this is a positive and relatively educational use of Tech gadgets. One reason being that kids with this kind of exposure can learn to be smarter or take decisions faster.

However when your Teens are using their computers to browse on porn sites or their phones to chat on erotic forums, Mum and Dad has to step in somehow. But the problem is that how do you know when your “little innocents” are becoming technologically corrupt?

Parents need to pay more careful attention to what is going on in the lives of their children, and also to know how much these kids are exposed to with Today’s technology. If you are a parent who doesn’t care much about these new devices, its obligatory to educate yourself about them especially when your child uses them.

This way you know to an extent what they are dealing with and can somehow intervene if what you observe is inappropriate.

A Parent’s Job

Anyone that says parenting is easy most likely has never had children of their own. Children can be a source of immense joy in your life or they could be the creators of so much sorrow.

When you have something like a guide to parenting or someone who could show you the way to good parenting then you definitely would know the right thing to say or do at the right time. And that would mean you would be like the best of parents.

The truth about parenting is that it is an underpaid, under appreciated and over worked job. You don’t get any compliments from anyone for doing a wonderful job of parenting. Worse even when you have troublesome kids that make all your efforts seem in vain.

Nevertheless the rewards are there and you’ll hardly find anyone that would choose not to have children because they are a lot of trouble. When you think about the laughter, hugs, kisses and all those silly things children do. Sometimes you know precisely what to do in managing your kids, at other times you are at a loss of ideas or action. Being a parent or the job of a parent never stops whether they are 16 or 36, they come to seek you for one issue or the other.

Every parent desires that their children have better and more fulfilled lives than they had. If parents just sit back and watch whatever happens then what kind of foundation is being laid for the child? What kind of training or lessons will they pick?

No responsible parent will shun the approach of a child seeking help.

“I’m busy right now, can’t listen to you. Go away!”

Will you say that? When there is something eating up your child?

Then who do you expect the child to reach out to, a stranger? One that will introduce him/her to Meth? No, I’m sure you love that child too much to care less.

Young Children need a lot of attention and guidance while growing up. They need to know that whatever actions they take has its consequences. If the right choices are made, there are positive consequences and if wrong choices are made, then negative consequences would occur. So they now know the implications of whatever thing they decide to do.

Even in the choice of a career, they should see where it leads to before hopping in.

Indeed parenting is not an easy job; it takes a lot of learning on the job to perfect. But it will do well for would-be parents to start reading some of the things they need to know in the future.

Single Parenthood

single parent picBeing a single parent is enormous whether you have five kids to cater for or just one. That is why you need to really weight the options before resolving to divorce your spouse. What do kids think about single parenthood and divorce? A lot of kids feel there is something incomplete in the arrangement. It is now an issue of living with Dad or Mum or either at intervals.

 

Most kids say they really get no explanations why it happened. Others say they could feel something was wrong somewhere and so were not surprised when their parents separated.

 

When trying to decide whether to divorce or not, what you need to place as a major priority in your decision making is how it would affect the kids. Children are sensitive at their formative years and decisions like these have a way of affecting them in future.

 

Single parenting is not always about a divorce, it could be from having a child outside marriage. So the woman (most of the time it rests on the woman) has to solely take the responsibility of bringing up the child.

 

The implication of single parenthood on the parent is as follows:

  • Bearing the entire financial burden of the child care -even if the father has to contribute something, most of it still rests on the single mom.
  • Acting as a father and mother to the child
  • An incomplete family arrangement
  • Not being able to give the child the motherly or fatherly input as the case may be
  • Having to explain to the child the awkward situation of the absence of the other parent
  • Relying on the grandparents to support in the upbringing

 

For the child it is often physical and psychological

  • The physical absence of one parent becomes obvious every now and then irrespective of how well the single parent tries to fill that vacuum
  • Seeing friends with both parents have its psychological challenges on the young formative child
  • In some cases of a single mother situation, finances may be tight and so the child will lack a lot of things desired. This may also apply in single father arrangements but it is more likely the other way round.

 

Should parents discuss the conflicts they are having with their kids?

This is a question that should be given thoughtful attention because children find themselves as victims of circumstances they could not influence in any way.